Enjoy this poem by CG guest contributor Brad. Let's discuss...
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Lodge Men
The men descend the mountain early
Sun breathing light into the trees.
Backs bent, the angle of old age.
They leave the Lodge each morning,
medicated by nurses, shuffle down
dirt paths, roads of rock and clay.
The first paved road they come to
a highway; the men drift over the
white line. Their drug-heavy blood
called to by some new magnetic north.
Down the road, at the Dari-Delite,
they find unlocked cars. Diners leave
and find Lodge men in the passenger seat.
“Can you take me to Mulberry?” Lodge men ask.
Mulberry, down the road a few miles,
no one knows the names given to these men:
Scarfy, Captain America
More come and gone so fast names won’t stick.
One night, at the Dari-Delite, Scarfy
drags his feet down the road. Long red
scarves trailing down his pants leg, scraping
the highwayside debris. A friend dares
me to speak to him. “If he comes,” I say.
Scarfy trundles toward us. He stands at
The corner, eyes not on anything. “Hi,” I say.
For a moment, nothing. Then Scarfy
bends forward, arm and finger extended,
Lips parted. His laugh crackling the air.
That laugh still in my ear: feet scraping rock
and clay, men drifting up the hill with the dying light.
2 comments:
Tangible! I love every concrete thing I see in this poem. I love a narrative poem, and you are the man for that job, Brad.
Some of it acts a little like choppy prose with line breaks. I think we'll hear more of the poetry if some of the lines were combined and condensed with attention to the sound.
What stands out the most to me is seeing the men, drug-laden, leaving the lodge and then the ending where the speaker speaks to one of the men. The scene where they get into the car isn't as strong. I think it's supposed to build tension there, and tighter language might do it.
What is the most interesting is that I expect some sort of (sorry to use an Oprah phrase) Ah-ha moment at the end, like where there is more to the old man than I think, but then all I get is a crazy old man laughing. It really is unexpected and funny and creepy.
I hope you'll post more. Seriously, I love the narrative.
i liked it a lot. I agree with amber that the last few stanzas sort of became choppier and weren't as 'poetic'. the thing about this though is that it made me, i mean literally made me keep reading until the end. i was so intrigued by the idea that i had to see what happened.
it's fun to imagine a person telling this story about the time he/she talked to the old crazy guy.
what was he thinking as he laughed like that? who knows, but it is fantastic. i imagine an old man wheez laugh.
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